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What It Used to Be Like

A Portrait of My Marriage to Raymond Carver

ebook
1 of 1 copy available
1 of 1 copy available

This intimate memoir of youth, marriage and literary ambition "presents powerful testimony to the dark side of both creativity and working-class life" (Booklist).

Maryann Burk Carver met Raymond Carver in 1955, when she was fifteen years old and he was seventeen. In What It Used to Be Like, she recounts a tale of young love and long-distance courtship followed quickly by marriage and two small children.

Over the next twenty-five years, as Carver's fame grew, the family led a nomadic life, moving from school to school and teaching post to teaching post. In 1972, they settled in Cupertino, California, where Raymond Carver gave his wife one of his sharpened pencils and asked her to write an account of their history.

The result is a memoir of a marriage, replete with an intimacy of detail that reveals the talents and failings of this larger-than-life man, his complicated relationships, and his profound loves and losses. What It Used to Be Like brings to light Raymond Carver's lost years and the stories behind his famous works.

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    • Publisher's Weekly

      May 15, 2006
      Though it's the relationship with Tess Gallagher during the last years of his life that most people remember, the majority of Raymond Carver's literary accomplishments took place during his 25-year marriage to his high school sweetheart. But while her story offers some biographical insights into how short stories like "Will You Please Be Quiet, Please?" were created, it's essentially a cliché-filled tale of the artist's suffering wife. During their honeymoon, he tells her that if he had to choose between her and writing, he'd take the writing. She doesn't get the hint, and time after time she winds up dropping out of college so she can support her family as Raymond struggles through creative writing programs and, later, alcoholism (years later, she recognizes her behavior as classic co-dependency). Their personal dramas, ranging from a string of crummy landlords to revelations of extramarital affairs, are presented in embarrassingly stiff dialogue, as are Maryann's occasional insights into Raymond's literary ambitions. "I like these people," he says of the working classes. "Maybe I'll be able to tell their stories as well as anyone." For all its intimate and frequently unpleasant details, her memoir doesn't explain how he succeeded.

    • Library Journal

      August 15, 2006
      Some might argue that the life of great American poet and short story writer Raymond Carver (1938 -88) was even more intriguing than his fiction, a mix of tragedy and triumph, although not in even doses. In this engaging memoir, his first wife artfully documents their 27-year marriage with clarity and insight. The reader is constantly reminded that the author was only a teenager when she married Carver, with whom she led a nomadic, unstable existence despite his intermittent literary successes. Poverty was an overwhelming presence in their lives, and Carver struggled with alcoholism, which only added to the couple -s sense of instability. Ultimately, the two divorced, and Carver married poet Tess Gallagher, though the author remained a part of his life until the end. At its heart, this is a love story, yet it is also an accessible biography of one of America -s best-known writers. Recommended for academic libraries and public libraries as a supplement to Carver -s own works." -Valeda Dent, Hunter Coll. Lib., New York"

      Copyright 2006 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

    • Booklist

      June 1, 2006
      Legendary writer Raymond Carver's struggle for recognition, his alcoholism, and his relationship with fellow writer Tess Gallagher in the years leading up to his death at age 50 are well documented, unlike his 27-year marriage to Maryann Burk Carver. Now, at long last, Maryann tells her story. She was a bright 15-year-old with her eye on law school in 1955 when she met Raymond, who at 17 already wanted to be a writer. Madly in love, the young couple married when Maryann became pregnant just before her high-school graduation. Soon they had two children--so much for law school. Maryann worked full time while Raymond attended college, wrote, and worked. Poor and intrepid, they lived an exhaustingly nomadic life. As she relates her compelling tale of love and sacrifice with candor and dignity, Maryann portrays a great American writer, illuminates a key chapter in the history of American literature, and presents powerful testimony to the dark side of both creativity and working-class life. Her exacting memoir also presents an unsparing chronicle of entrenched sexism, as well as the boundless joys and demands of marriage and parenthood.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2006, American Library Association.)

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